no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
