His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
