it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
