dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
