omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
