i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Randomize
