Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We are two peas in an std pod
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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