Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
