she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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