I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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