She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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