I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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