Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
