He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Still dying that you shit outside
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
