I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
