Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
