Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
