I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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