is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
