I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
