I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
