my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
