so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
