Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
