i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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