Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
