The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
