she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
