it hurts more in the daytime
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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