If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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