Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
