Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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