There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
