Say something about gay babies.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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