i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
