he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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