Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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