We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
