i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
