my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
