Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
