Kiss
Puke
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
