why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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