my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
