We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
