My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
