Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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