i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
