does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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