I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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