I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
