My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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